The End of My Rope

A few years ago, Jeremy and the kiddos and I were visiting friends and attended a Sunday morning service at Valley Christian Church in Moorhead, Minnesota.  VCC was formerly led by Pastor Phil Miller, and currently by Pastor Jim Ray.  If you are looking for a church family in the Fargo-Moorhead area, I encourage you to visit VCC. It is one of a handful of “church homes” I have had in my lifetime and you will find a warm, welcoming group of people there that truly have hearts for Jesus.

Anyway, that day there was a guest speaker.  I cannot recall his name.  I’m chalking that up to Mom brain, but perhaps it is symbolic also, because it is not our names, but the works we do and the manner in which we do them that is remembered.  What we Christians should be focused on is our works glorifying our father in heaven, not each of us as individuals, but I digress, which is generally how I operate.   This is yet another one of my winding tales, which I promise will eventually lead to a worthwhile conclusion.

The speaker that day talked used a rope as a prop and it was a powerful visual.

As he began to talk he held up about six inches of the end of the rope between his hands.  This represented the amount of time we are here on earth.

I’ve been to what I would consider far too many funerals.  That time can be incredibly short, which can seem cruel and unfair at times, as I’ve said goodbye to people who were so young or taken so quickly.

But here’s the good news.

 They’re not gone, they’ve just gone ahead.

The pastor held up that rope, with just the first, short portion representing our earthly lives, and then he had his son help stretch it out.  It went from the pulpit, down along the front pew, and all the way out the door.

Even this was not enough rope to show how long our eternal lives in heaven will be.

It is spelled out in the Bible in that familiar verse, John 3:16

“For God so loved the world, he gave his only son, that whoever believes in him, shall not perish, but have everlasting life.”

It brings me great joy to hear my children recite this verse, because I know that their young hearts believe that when I’m gone from here, that I’ve just gone ahead to be with my father in heaven.

So as promised, here is the worthwhile conclusion.

Nothing is too big or too heavy for God.  Give Him your heart. Give up the weight of those sins you’ve been carrying. If you haven’t already, give your life to Christ today and let Him be your guide and He will fulfill His promise of that everlasting life that is more wonderful than we can imagine.

It is my hope that someday when I’ve gone ahead, you will remember that I was not really at the end of my rope, but only the beginning.

Thanks for stopping by,

Sarah J

One Year Later.

Can't believe it's been a year.  Then again, yes, I can.  I have missed her at every single family event, I have picked up the phone to call her more times than I can count, in good times and in bad.

She was one of my "Top 5".  I can't rank those people, but I know exactly who they are.  You know, those people who are with you to celebrate your highest moments, who will also stand tall beside you and maybe even stand behind you, pushing, when things get really tough.


On May 12th, 2011, my Aunt Lynne went to be with our maker, only a few months after being diagnosed with cancer.  She fought as hard as she possibly could, but the cancer was so aggressive and complications ensued. And that was it. She was gone.

I knew when I got the call that I should go to my native Maryland to see her that things were touch and go.  I was expecting when I traveled out to see her and with it being such a high-risk pregnancy, I knew that I probably wouldn't be able to attend the funeral.  I was fortunate that we both had a window of health that allowed us to have a wonderful visit.


That was the last time I saw her.  My window of safe traveling conditions passed and I was heartbroken to lose her and heartbroken that I couldn't be with my family to say goodbye. 


Our baby boy arrived the next month and by some great miracle, and I believe, with Aunt Lynne and so many other loved ones watching over us from heaven, he was healthy.


When my little family traveled east at Christmastime, I stood at her grave.  I stared at that stone. Numb. I knew she wasn't there, but still I felt no closure. It took me this long to come to terms with things. They say time heals all wounds, but that isn't what has gotten me through the times when I sat staring at the phone, wishing for one last conversation or opened our holiday decorations only to find they were mostly gifts from her and I broke down and cried, alone in the garage.  I say that on His time, God heals all wounds.  A good friend once told me to find a way to praise God in even the most difficult circumstances.


So here I am, doing my best to follow the instructions in 1 Thessalonians 5:16, "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."


God was so good to give us Aunt Lynne for every last minute we had her on this earth.


So many people have said such beautiful things about Aunt Lynne and I am grateful that they have shared their memories and encouragement with me, but today, in honor of the first anniversary of her passing and in celebration of Mother's Day, here is my personal message to Aunt Lynne and all who loved her.

Among the many hearts she was a piece of,  Aunt Lynne was a devoted wife, mother...

...sister...

...sister in law, aunt...

...niece and friend...

She was such an enthusiastic friend.  The kind of friend that you knew would go down swinging for you.  The kind of friend who always had your back.  She was SO funny.  She would have you laughing at her funny stories before she was even finished because she would be giggling so hard herself.  The ring of her laughter was contagious.  It's one of the things I miss the most about her.  She was my informant on anything that had to do with politics or current events.  She was unapologetically conservative. I loved that too.  She had a knack for technology and gadgets and I can remember he saying so many times, "You have got to see [such and such]! It is AWESOME!"

She shared humor constantly, whether it was of her own doing, or something she found along life's journey.  At the time of her passing, I bet she was half-finished at least a half-dozen home improvement projects and I'm sure was plotting more.  It was a constant state of chaos around her house, but I loved it.  There was this energy she brought into a room.
It was almost palpable. 

If it weren't for Aunt Lynne and her efforts to research and record our ancestry, I would not know who these two people are....

My Great-great-grandfather, August Bedgar, 1857-1945

My Great-great-grandmother, Anna Henrietta Marburger Bedgar, 1868-1940.

Aunt Lynne loved simple things, like Crocs...

...and sweatshirts.  She and I had our "tomboyish" nature in common.

I am grateful that God chose Uncle Jutzy for her.  He is such a wise and kind man.  They were such a great fit and balance for each other, it was almost cliche'.  We all have so many great memories together.  From renting a motorhome, piling in 5 adults and 1.4 children (I was pregnant) and driving all the way across North Dakota and most of South Dakota, to birthdays, graduations and many holiday gatherings at their home.

Aunt Lynne gave THE BEST gifts.  The book, "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman details the different ways people express and understand love. There is no question that Aunt Lynne's love language was "gifts".  She showed she cared by searching far and wide for the PERFECT gifts.  For Christmases, she sent to our home gifts that were always met with an unmatched level of excitement, from vintage toys to adorable clothes...

...to the funniest gag gifts :)  Her gifts are treasures and they're scattered in every room in our home and in every tub of every size of baby/kid clothes. If it weren't for Aunt Lynne, our Christmas tree would be almost bare.

In her travels to England, she got hooked on Christmas crackers, and because of her, they became a tradition in our family.

It just isn't a Bedgar family Christmas without those goofy paper hats! :)

Aunt Lynne was a passionate and tireless advocate for youth organizations like 4-H, and for military families. She claimed to be retired, but I think she may have been busier in "retirement" than she ever was. I was so proud of her for re-inventing herself and her career later in life. I hope that after my children are grown, I can do the same. 

We had a common bond in our love for animals and agriculture. 
 Of course, we had to stop and visit "Salem Sue" in New Salem, ND.

She could be tough as nails and could work just as hard as any man I know.

When I took a job in North Dakota, she was one of the first family members that came to visit me.  She was so impressed with North Dakota and kept saying "I can't believe you get off the highway and you're right on a gravel road!"

During her first visit to ND, she and I took a road trip to Medora, ND.  We spent about 10 hours in the car together that weekend.  We talked, we laughed (A LOT), we cried, we even sang together to some old country favorites.

She could sing like an angel.

She and my Aunt and cousin even made my wedding cake!

Somehow, they got it there in one piece! I don't know who drove it to the reception, but if it was Aunt Lynne, that cake had one wild ride :)

Aunt Lynne loved Jeremy and I and she loved our children, without conditions, but I think she took a little extra pride in our youngest daughter having red hair like hers :)

Aunt Lynne and Cousin Meghan even took the girls to the National Aquarium while I was on a business trip in Europe. Very brave of them :)  See that lollipop residue on C.W's smiling face? Yep, Aunt Lynne also had a knack for finding the coolest, most unique treats :)  And her homemade macaroni bake? It was AWESOME :) 

 The girls still talk about their trip to the aquarium and to this day, my oldest daughter sleeps every night with the stuffed shark Aunt Lynne got for her.  She left a wonderful, fun-loving, loyal, lasting impression on my girls, just as she did on me.

Although I will miss her until we meet again and I wish she could have met our son, it is in those ridiculous moments of parenting, when you can either cry or you can laugh, that I know she is laughing with me.

In Loving Memory of Lynne Norris, 11/20/48-5/12/11

My Husband, the Provider, and the Circle of Life.

Yep, I did it. Went and posted one of those "icky" pictures of a dead deer with it's tongue hanging out. At least it isn't on our Christmas card (sorry, Jaimie, couldn't help myself...hehe :)

I'm so grateful for my husband, Jeremy, who is a wonderful provider for our family. He works so very hard managing our farm. This year, we were blessed with FANTASTIC weather during harvest, so we're done early. What a blessing compared to the challenges of the last two harvests. In 2008, we finished corn harvest in late December (and I delivered our youngest daughter two days later).

Last year, well, last year's harvest never did end until THIS year in April. So needless to say, Jeremy and our crew needed a break.

So for the first time in a few years, Jeremy got a chance to go hunting. The alarm went off long before dawn yesterday and he was out the door to meet our good friend, Casey, who doesn't know this, but I call him "The Deer Whisperer". Oh well, I guess he knows now :)




Here Casey is showing C.W. (in the puppy hat) the deer Jeremy got.

Casey is an excellent hunter and we are so glad to have a good friendship and working relationship with him. When things go right, farmers and hunters can have respectful, symbiotic relationships. The hunter benefits from enjoying a little R&R on our land and taking some venison home and we enjoy a slightly smaller deer population, which helps decrease damage to our crops and decreases the chances of me hitting one of them with my pick-up.

To tell you the truth, I really like deer. Their behavior truly intrigues me. They are ruminants, so they consume roughage and digest it through a four-compartment stomach, just like domesticated sheep, cattle and goats, but they are wild, so I often run comparisons of domesticated vs. wild ruminant behaviors through my head. When I am sitting in the doctor's office or salon (rarely...ha!), I read Field & Stream instead of People Magazine and at home I find myself gravitating toward hunting shows when I get a few minutes to watch TV.

I know, I'm an animal science geek like that.

However, what I like MOST about deer is that we farmers support and care for their habitat all year and eventually they give us a little payback, in the form of venison....YUM...

These steaks are marinating in a mixture of vinegar, vegetable oil, and a McCormick's Garlic Peppercorn seasoning packet.

I'm very thankful today.

First, to God for giving my family the priviledge of caring for His creation, our land and all the wildlife it holds.

Second, for my husband, the provider, for bringing meat home to our family.

Third, for the great hunt he had. He's a little bummed that his hunting this year is over so quickly because he was only out a few hours, but from what I heard of it, it was a nearly perfect hunt. Jeremy dropped this beautiful buck with one shot, straight through both lungs and the heart. He died instantly and simply fell over.

Fourth, I am thankful for the opportunity to explain to my daughter the "circle of life". No, not the Lion King song, but one of the real life lessons that farm kids understand from a young age.

C.W. wanted to touch the deer, so we let her. She wasn't sad, just curious to see what "his fur" felt like. Then we explained that God made all of us, even the deer, and that everything that lives eventually dies, but God has a special purpose for each of our lives. The purpose He gave that deer was to feed our family and we are to be very thankful for that.



Have a safe and bountiful hunting season everyone!